I missed meditation last week because I had a fundraising night to go to, but I found myself back “on my cushion” (I put that in quotes because I meditated from a folding chair due to some lower back soreness I was experiencing). Anyway, we took a break from our series that we have been doing, but we had a great topic to meditate on last night that really resonated with me. I jotted down some notes on the back of a prescription from my occupational therapist so that I could remember in more detail what we meditated on. I think next time I will bring a small notebook with me instead.
Anyway, the topic this week was the transformation of adverse conditions within ourselves. Transformation involves an ability to change the way you react to someone or something that you would consider adverse. So for me, this really meant something because I often say that I can follow negativity right down the rabbit hole. I can go into a situation in a calm and positive and happy mood, and all it takes is someone starting to complain, and I follow right into gossip and complaining and negativity. Instead of doing this, you can notice that this is happening and just let it go, thereby transforming that adversity. In this way, everyone you meet becomes a teacher, and this is especially true of people who might be “trigger” people for you. I have some people I know who I like very, very much and who I consider to be wonderful friends, but they maybe are a little more negative sometimes (which is something I struggle with as well). And I am usually happy to “commiserate” with someone and then pile a little bit more negativity on top. Instead of doing this, however, I could notice my urge to do this and then just let it go. This doesn’t mean that I can’t listen to someone who truly has something that she needs to vent about or ask for help with. But it does mean that I can keep myself from falling in with gossip and negativity.
Another part of the topic was the idea of wanting to do something to help others when they are faced with adverse conditions. And part of this was the importance of recognizing the difference between having an ability to fix something and having a desire to have the ability to fix something. Of course, we all have things that we can fix for other people. If I have a coworker with a scheduling conflict and I have the time free, I can switch my schedule with her to fix her scheduling conflict. However, there are also plenty of things that we can’t fix but that we want to have the ability to fix. So when we hear about someone who is affected by cancer or hunger or homelessness and feel like that is just TOO BIG for us to fix, we do still have that desire to have the ability to fix it. And it’s important not to get bogged down in the thoughts of, “Oh, that is just too much for me to worry about.” Instead, we can transform that within ourselves.
In other news, I have slowly been adding my “normal” activities back to my routine. I went back to the gym only about two weeks after I hurt my wrist, but I did not go full tilt in any way. I have been working my way back up the cardio ladder, and I also have slowly been adding the machines in the lifting circuit back into my routine. This week (about nine weeks out from my fall), I added back in most of the activities I have been skipping, although at lower weights than I had been before Wrist-gate 2014. I only have a couple of the machines that I have not added back in because I was lifting 200# or more on them, and I want to wait until I am totally released from my doctor to tackle those again.
I found, via a blog post I was reading, a fun app that I am going to use with some goal setting. It’s called Lift, and you can use it to set any kind of daily goals and then check them off when you complete them. Some goals I chose were “go to the gym,” “drink more water,” “mindful eating,” “take vitamins,” “eat 3 fruits or vegetables,” and “follow 7 steps of Calm.com.” Some of these things I do already, but some are things I would like to do that I struggle with a little bit. I do not usually pay enough attention to my fruit and vegetable consumption. I also drink a lot of Crystal Lite, but I don’t drink a lot of plain water. And I am trying to incorporate meditation more into my life, which is where the 7 steps of Calm.com come in.
I also have joined Zoot in the Less Loathing – Way More Love Subtraction Project for the month of May. I used to love weight loss challenges, but my insight into my eating disorder has taught me that these are not a good place for me to go. However, I do like having an opportunity to challenge myself in a less competitive way, and I love that this project involves trying to love your body for what it is and let go of self-loathing because it is something I totally have on my list of therapy goals, and I am NOT there yet. Sometimes, I get a little closer (usually when I am doing something in yoga or at the gym that leaves me a little in awe of my body), but mostly, I am stuck in the mire and muck of hating my body and believing that my worth is dictated by the number on the scale and the (recently higher) size of my jeans.
Anyway, please feel free to join us!