Well, I have finally finished another scarf. So that means that I have completed 2 2/2 scarves (again the 2/2 because I am in the middle of two more right now). I am pretty proud of myself. And I am so glad that I started being the crazy knitting blog stalker because it got me going again, and now I am doing the checkerboard scarf, and today I was able to fix a mistake without taking the entire thing out and starting over again. And that, my friends, is progress.
I got me some good grades for the spring semester…an A in one class and a B+ in the other. I am left with a GPA that is right above 3.7. Now, I have always thought of myself as a smart girl…but after my first semester the first time around (when I went to college “for real”), I had a 2.87, and after a full year (and a bad break-up) there, it was down to a 2.66. So this is real progress. I gave myself a pat on the back.
My cousin Rebecca has some posts in her blog about communication and regret. I have been thinking about these two things, and I have something to say about them. Without going into too much detail, let me share that I learned this week that I might not have been as blameless in the demise of my relationship as I thought I was. I was feeling good and self-righteous, and when talking to the man formerly known as “The One” this week, I shared a little bit with him about why things weren’t working for me when we were together. His response? He asked me why I hadn’t told him any of this sooner, and he asked me why I thought those things were insurmountable challenges. Hmmm…good question. The truth is that I didn’t have a lot of faith in the strength of our relationship and the strength of his feelings for me. I didn’t tell him those things because I didn’t think he would care, and I didn’t think he would be willing to make an effort to fix them. It turns out I might have been wrong. We are going to work on it, and we will see what happens.
And this brings me to the topic of regret. Rebecca asks an interesting question. And I have the same question. If I had know five years ago that the relationship I was entering was going to end, would I have gone into it anyway? I am pretty sure that the answer to this is a big, fat (yet skinnier because I am losing some weight) YES. We had some GREAT times, and I expect we will have some great times in the future. We have had so much fun together, and before the whole lack-of-communication thing happened, there was no one who I was happier to be with. I try not to live a life of regret because I think that regret can paralyze you and cause you to remain stuck in the place you are and not allow you to move on. Therefore, I can’t regret anything that has happened between us.
So for today, I will celebrate. I will celebrate the time we had together. I will celebrate the fact that we are getting to know each other in a whole new way now, with an honesty and level of communication that wasn’t there before. And I will celebrate that at the very least, I will come out of this experience with a wonderful, loving, supportive friendship…and at the very best, a partner for life.