Fatty, fat, fat, fat…

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Part of me thinks I have whined about this enough. And then another part of me thinks that this is my blog, dammit, so why not keep whining?

As I sit through winter up here in the mountains, with my regular soda and starchy foods for company, I try to remember all the reasons that it is NOT a good idea to make a quart of ice cream my dinner. I think back to the time when I knew how to eat like a normal person, and I wonder when it was that I got so far away from that. I like to point to nursing school as the root of my problems, but the truth is that I have let my emotions and my state of mind govern what I put into my mouth for a long time before that.

It used to be that when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t really see how overweight I was. I don’t know if you put blinders on or what, but I thought I looked pretty good. Now, I can see that is not the case. When I catch sight of myself in a store window or a mirrored column, I can see how big I have gotten. And it isn’t making me the happiest person in the world. However, time and time again, I decide that this will be the day that I stop eating for reasons other than hunger. This will be the day that I start making exercise a regular part of my life. This will be the day that I start to work myself down from a size 20 into a size that makes me feel a little better about myself. I don’t necessarily want to be a size 8. However, a 12 or 14 would be nice! Unfortunately, those days haven’t stuck yet. I am still at this size, and I don’t always think I have the tools to fix it.

I have looked into Weight Watchers and OA. I have looked into gyms. I have joined weight loss websites galore. And I know this isn’t something that I will be able to do on my own. I lean toward going somewhere with formal weekly meetings for the accountability factor. I want to join a gym because I have done well in the past in a group workout environment. And I want to make myself healthier because I want to start a family and grow old with my husband and live the healthiest life I can.

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Well, here I am at the starting line…let’s get this journey started!

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4 responses »

  1. Good luck on your journey to feeling better in your body and about your body. I was most successful with WW – I too need the accountability.

  2. Good luck with WW! I know for me it was really great to sit in a room with other people fighting the same battles and being held accountable to them. With them I had no excuses.

  3. Women’s Health, Fitness, or Shape magazines, I don’t remember which one, has a buddy system you can sign up with to check in about your working out…just an additional thought on top of WW to keep not just the eating, but the exercise under control. I always found the money that I spent for a personal trainer was enough motivation to keep going…I had to pay her either way.

  4. You can do it- you’ve done it before. Wouldn’t it be wonderful never to have to give a second thought to your weight or what you eat? I can’t even imagine how freeing that would be.

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