Part of me thinks I have whined about this enough. And then another part of me thinks that this is my blog, dammit, so why not keep whining?
As I sit through winter up here in the mountains, with my regular soda and starchy foods for company, I try to remember all the reasons that it is NOT a good idea to make a quart of ice cream my dinner. I think back to the time when I knew how to eat like a normal person, and I wonder when it was that I got so far away from that. I like to point to nursing school as the root of my problems, but the truth is that I have let my emotions and my state of mind govern what I put into my mouth for a long time before that.
It used to be that when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t really see how overweight I was. I don’t know if you put blinders on or what, but I thought I looked pretty good. Now, I can see that is not the case. When I catch sight of myself in a store window or a mirrored column, I can see how big I have gotten. And it isn’t making me the happiest person in the world. However, time and time again, I decide that this will be the day that I stop eating for reasons other than hunger. This will be the day that I start making exercise a regular part of my life. This will be the day that I start to work myself down from a size 20 into a size that makes me feel a little better about myself. I don’t necessarily want to be a size 8. However, a 12 or 14 would be nice! Unfortunately, those days haven’t stuck yet. I am still at this size, and I don’t always think I have the tools to fix it.
I have looked into Weight Watchers and OA. I have looked into gyms. I have joined weight loss websites galore. And I know this isn’t something that I will be able to do on my own. I lean toward going somewhere with formal weekly meetings for the accountability factor. I want to join a gym because I have done well in the past in a group workout environment. And I want to make myself healthier because I want to start a family and grow old with my husband and live the healthiest life I can.
They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Well, here I am at the starting line…let’s get this journey started!