When I logged on to My Fitness Pal today and checked my news feed, it had noted on it that I had logged into MFP for 35 days in a row. And this means that the last time I binged on food was 36 days ago…which was the last day of a two-week bender. I was snapped out of this bender by a session with my therapist where we really talked about what had been going on with my eating. Prior to that, I had glossed over a lot of my thoughts surrounding food with her, but on that day, I got a little more “real.”
I wish I could say that I had lost all the weight I regained between whatever happened at the end of April and that day 35 days ago, but I did not. I have lost several pounds (~8 at last count), but I still find myself twelve pounds above my lowest weight, which was at a Weight Watchers meeting just before my birthday vacation at the end of April. However, this is not about a number on the scale. This is about the fact that, for the past 35 days, instead of turning to large quantities of food for comfort or to help me cope, I have used other tools. I haven’t always avoided junk food. And I haven’t always stuck to my calorie goals. However, I also have not gone to the grocery store with the express intent of buying all my favorite junk foods and binged on them while hiding out in my apartment. And I have not at any point in those 35 days felt like I was lacking control over food and letting it control me.
So am I cured? Ha. No. I am still planning to spend an hour every two weeks with my therapist. I am still planning to keep working on my materials from SR1. I am still planning to work to learn more about emoting and feeling the feelings instead of stuffing them down and covering them with cookie dough. But I am a work in progress, and I can see real progress, and although their may be a day in the future where I don’t feel as good as I do today, I know that it is possible. And I know that I can do it.
Make it a great day, everyone!