I continue to write daily (sometimes more than once) on 750 Words, which means that this blog is not getting a lot of action. I just have a lot of stuff to say that I don’t want a lot of people to read, so it’s great to have an opportunity to get that stuff out of my head and into words, instead of letting it fester up there and continue to lend itself to the hum of anxiety that sometimes accompanies my days. However, I still like to check in here on occasion, in the event that anyone is reading (I know a couple of you still are!) and in case anything I have to say might be helpful to someone who is reading it.
Anyway, I met with my lovely and talented therapist today, and the title of this blog post represents two pieces of advice that she gave to me that she said she would like to tattoo on each of my wrists. The first is, “Let it be.” I think this one speaks to mindfulness…being present in the moment and letting the moment be. Sometimes, when I am talking with her, she says she can see me leave the moment and go elsewhere (usually back inside my head because she has struck a nerve or gotten too close to the truth), and instead she would like me to let it be. The second is, “Let it go.” I spend a lot of time in a place of self-deprecation. I am constantly beating myself up for something that occurred one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year, or one lifetime ago. I can conjure up feelings of shame concerning any of a variety of things that have happened in the past that should really just remain in the past. But it’s so hard to leave them there when they are knocking on the door to my mind, just waiting for me to let them in and let them allow me to feel badly about myself. So let it go. What happened in the past does not matter as much as what is happening right now.
I read this quote, I think on Tumblr, attributed to Lao Tzu: “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” I have thought on this quote pretty often (and may have even mentioned it here before) because I think it speaks perfectly to my state of mind. I am often living in the past or future instead of in the present. As a result, I am not usually feeling what I would describe as peace.
So I will try to let it be. And I will try to let it go.