Today, I received in the mail my final divorce decree. Unbeknownst to me until today, I have officially been divorced since Tuesday, which is when the judge issued the decree. We had a bit of a hiccup in the process last month, when the first filing was denied due to some confusion when reading a calendar on the part of the attorney, but it was refiled, and now I am no longer married. I sort of wish I had known that when I went in to see my therapist on Wednesday, as our conversation might have gone a little differently. As it is, she and I will have plenty to talk about (which is always the case, actually) when I see her again.
I don’t know if there is a way you are supposed to feel when something like this happens. I expected to feel a lot of relief, but the reality is that nothing has really changed, except for that I am not still married to someone apart from whom I have been living for almost the entire last year. I am feeling more sadness than I expected to feel because I really thought that the final divorce decree would be nothing more than a piece of paper to me, and it feels like a little more than that. This is the last step, though, in my official starting over process. Everything from here on out is just an opportunity for growth. I just have to grab on to that brass ring.