Oh, this world. I have thoughts. I have feelings. I have anxiety. I have anger. I have disgust. I am trying to hang on to hope.
I was fortunate enough to be able to attend a solidarity rally locally for the Women’s March on Washington. I was so happy to be there. I had been sitting by and feeling kind of helpless as all the things that I was worried about with the new administration started to appear to come to fruition. But on that day, I was able to get together with like-minded fellow citizens and raise our collective voice to protest against a variety of very important issues. It was powerful.
And now…I don’t know where it goes. I am a fixer and a caretaker. I want everything to be okay, but I don’t have it within my power to make everything okay. So part of me wants to bear witness to all this stuff and become an activist and help the disenfranchised or underrepresented have their voices heard. And then the other part of me wants to climb into my bed nest and cover myself up with my weighted blanket and hope that it will all be “better” when I come up for air.
My anxiety regarding social issues is through the roof. And that means that my tendency to do “behaviors” things is also way up there. So maybe I should have some ice cream for dinner. What can I buy from Amazon? Maybe some hermitting will help. Or I can make like an ostrich. I’ll stick my head in the sand and pretend like none of this is happening. That is not an unusual tactic for me.
So I want to “stay woke.” I want to take the energy that I gathered at the rally on Saturday and parlay it into something good. But I also want to take care of myself and make sure that I am not overextending and spinning my wheels and not getting anything done. I am not sure yet what my version of activism is going to look like, and maybe I don’t have to know right now.
I have never been one to wait though. So that will be hard for me.
ETA – Okay, I decided to take a baby step and email both of my Senators to let them know that I oppose Betsy DeVos for the Secretary of Education. It’s something small, but I did it. And maybe a bunch of small things can add up to be my way of being active without being pulled under.